When I have ongoing feelings as a reminder of something, I think a thing they frequently flag is that there’s some kind of problem that I’m both assuming that I need to solve and assuming to be impossible. For instance, perhaps I ‘have to’ read a whole bunch of stuff within the next three days, and also can’t imagine this occurring.
I think this is often because I tend to pick up constraints too easily. That is, I implicitly believe ‘I have to read this thing’ instead of ‘it would be some amount good if I read this thing’.
Having constraints instead of evaluations makes decision-making simpler: if you have to read this thing, then that’s what you are doing. And if you have to go to work during work hours, then that’s where you are doing it.
Up until you have too many constraints, and it becomes impossible to find a solution that satisfies them.
I don’t know if other people have this problem, but for me, it is helpful to notice this and explicitly drop some constraints. Remember that you don’t have to read this thing or wash your hands or not be considered an idiot or show up to your appointments.
(Inspired somewhat by a talk by Aaron Kaufman, along the lines of this blog post)
Good point! Related to perfectionism: If you *do* decide to do the thing, you can still choose the standard - how well you want to do it, how much effort to put in. You can wash your hands briefly, or clean the floor only, or...
You can just hit like on my posts if you’ve read them! :) Please do, it would really mean a lot. Thanks!